Team Wellness Advisory Committee: Self-Esteem Ups and Downs

Dr. Dennis O'Grady

Practical Ways to Raise Self-Esteem

Self-esteem permits you to interact in a world that basically welcomes the best of your ambitions and talents. In such a world, you can become a positive actor on the stage of life instead of a passive member of the audience. When your self-esteem comes under attack, refuse to think negatively or act irrationally against your own best interests. Accept that you are adequate and deserving of love and success.



Negative feelings often disguise the fact that you are changing successfully. Learn to reinforce small positive changes.

Do you panic when you are running dangerously low on self-esteem fuel, or do you take a deep breath, review your goals, and keep on changing? Low self-esteem is not a permanent state. Remember, being a winner means staying in a learning mode. Beware of pleasing others too much, beating yourself up with self-criticisms, or getting caught in power plays that use up your best energies.

Stay in the driver’s seat. Challenge any beliefs that do not allow you to change and feel happy.

MINDPLAY:

the three types of self-esteem

In which mindset do you find yourself most of the time? Do you have Excessive Self-Esteem (ESE), High Self-Esteem (HSE), or Low Self-Esteem (LSE)? Mark the descriptors below, in each column, that currently apply to you. The category with the most check marks will tell you a great deal about your present level of self-esteem.

Have some fun. Don’t be too serious about analyzing yourself. The same trait is used in numbered sequence across types so you can see how people change their personalities when self-esteem is added or subtracted.

Excessive Self-Esteem (ESE)

 Aggressive

 Hedonistic goals

 Arrogant

 Takes daring risks

 Intolerant

 Blaming

 I don’t care what you think

 Verbally abusive

 Too focused

 Feel superior

 Cocky

 Worth more

 Brutally blunt

 Priority: physically attractive

 High energy


High Self-Esteem (HSE)

 Assertive

 Goal seeking

 Confident

 Takes reasonable risks

 Tolerant to a point

 Self-encouraging

 What do you really think

 Verbally affirming

 Focuses as needed

 Feel adequate

 Courageous

 Worthwhile

 Direct and honest

 Priority: inner beauty

 Positive energy

Low Self-Esteem (LSE)

 Passive victim

 Goalless

 Self-doubting

 Afraid to risk

 Too tolerant

 Self-critical

 Nobody cares what I think

 Verbally demeaning

 Unfocused/scattered

 Feels inferior

 Ashamed

 Convinced of worthlessness

 Indirect and evasive

 Feels unattractive

 Low energy level

interPLAY:

Self-esteem can be excessively high or excessively low. Both ends of the self-esteem spectrum are exaggerations of high self-esteem.

Unmanaged strengths can be weaknesses. Different words have been used to describe the same trait across the three types of self-esteem: (1) aggressive (ESE), assertive (HSE), and passive victim (LSE). Each trait is part of the self-esteem spectrum. Refuse to let your strengths become weaknesses.

Displeasers have excessive self-esteem (ESE). As one ESE was fond of telling me, “It’s tough to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by sparrows.” Intolerance, blaming, and despising weakness can make these people quite intimidating.

Pleasers have low self-esteem (LSE). Pleasers are trying to receive high self-esteem as if by magic. What they get instead is lowered self-esteem, and more-of-the-same frustrations.
Pleasing yourself leads to high self-esteem (HSE). Pleasing yourself forces you to raise your low self-esteem. High self-esteem reduces the need to please.

Self-esteem matches your inner beliefs to a tee. Learn to think of any belief as changeable. Changing self-critical beliefs always adds to the level of your self-esteem.

Due to the devilry of negative thinking, who you think you are isn’t necessarily who you really are. My clients hang on to their negative self-opinions with the power of a death grip. Learn to let go of your negative self-ideas more easily.