Team Advisory Board: Fighting Negative Beliefs that Create Low Self-Esteem



Dr. Dennis O'Grady

 Low self-esteem (LSE) is a powerful state of mind. It can negatively influence your mood and decrease your willingness to take risks. Low self-esteem is corrected by challenging the negative beliefs that create victim thinking. When you remove the self-criticisms that keep pounding down your self-esteem, your self-esteem will be permitted to grow proportionately.

Here are ways to know when you are in an easy-to-manipulate, low self-esteem state. Take time to drop these attitudes and try out some new ideas to raise your self-confidence.


1. You treat successes and achievements like future failures.

LSE Beliefs: Success doesn’t last, so why try

Result in Self-Criticism: "I’m going to be expected to perform at my best every single time now." Or, "I bet the other shoe is going to drop soon."

New Idea: Set down in writing your own expectations for success. Even though you can’t predict the future, you can still become a consistent winner. Learn something new, no matter how well or poorly you have done in the past.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: Believe, "I can make my successes last."


2. You keep your strengths, special abilities, and accomplishments hidden from social view.

LSE Beliefs: Internal strengths aren’t legitimate or important.

Result in Self-Criticism: "It’s best to keep my accomplishments to myself. My ego doesn’t require a booster shot."

New Idea: You must own up to your own special abilities or risk being controlled by them. Pride in your accomplishments must be balanced with humility.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: Believe, "I can learn to use my strengths."

3. Your self-criticisms dominate your mind and crowd out success permissions

LSE Beliefs: Self-criticism is motivating.

Result in Self-Criticism: "I can’t change because I keep doing the same stupid things. When I do succeed, it’s only a matter of time until I blow it."

New Idea: Self-criticisms are repetitious lies constructed by you to explain why you feel bad. Speak self-steadying permissions that contradict the criticisms. Use positive strokes to balance negatives.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: Believe, "I can become a better self-encourager."


4. You judge your new achievements by standards that are too severe.

LSE Beliefs: Positive strokes should be given only for perfection.

Result in Self-Criticism: I could have done better. My nervousness and inadequacy showed.”

New Idea: Give yourself time to practice and perfect a skill by shooting to be in the upper ten percent. Seek feedback from a trusted evaluator who will judge you fairly. Allow positive feedback to replace old stale messages.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: Believe, “My mistakes don’t make or break me.”


5. You erroneously assume life shouldn’t be difficult.

LSE Beliefs: Pain should be avoided at all costs.

Result in Self-Criticism: "I can’t always expect to get what I want." Or, "You can bet your bottom dollar that in time, bad things follow good things."

New Idea: Set up assertive fences to protect your self-esteem and solve problems in your life. Don’t expect life to be pain-free, but don’t be continually upset either. To make life easier, manage the anxiety that comes on the heels of happiness and success.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: "Crisis is another opportunity to change."


6.You fear conflict and avoid it.

LSE Beliefs: Conflict is destructive.

Result in Self-Criticism: "I don’t want to hurt my partner." Or, "Every time I try to talk with my co-worker, the conversation goes nowhere."

New Idea: Force yourself to begin valuing constructive conflict. Speak up assertively to avoid collecting resentments. Become more comfortable with conflict by using fair fighting techniques.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: "I can use my anger in caring ways."


7. Your positive strokes are limited in scope.

LSE Beliefs: Approval is required for survival.

Result in Self-Criticism: "If people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me." Or, "Since I can’t take being rejected, I rarely disagree."

New Idea: Allow yourself the luxury of having goals related to the inner self – a chosen calling, a life partner, children, sexuality, money, time, God or your higher spiritual being, and life. Bundling all your goals into one is bound to stifle your self-esteem.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: Believe, "It’s OK to feel worthwhile."


8. Your security takes priority over all other needs.

LSE Beliefs: Happiness is an illusion.

Result in Self-Criticism: "I really hate my job, but good jobs are hard to come by these days." Or, "I can’t leave my mate because I wouldn’t know how to survive financially."

New Idea: Debunk the myth that the predictable pain of the status quo is preferable to the unexpected pain which might await you in the unknown. Don’t delude yourself by thinking that the status quo can keep you safe from failure.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: Believe, "I take risks even when I’m afraid."


9. You don’t listen to self-wisdom carefully enough.

LSE Beliefs: My own advice is unimportant.

Result in Self-Criticism: "I should know what to do, but I don’t. What do you think I should do?"

New Idea: Treat yourself as the leading expert on you. Take your own advice to heart. Trust your inner wisdom more to resolve problems.

Be Successful by Being Your Best: Believe, "I take my own good advice."